The Invitational Week 195: Get Us Prewrite!
We're seeking good bad first drafts of famous words. Plus, winning neologisms.
Pat Myers and gene weingarten
Sep 24, 2026


Hello. Have you heard of Tom Jefferson’s famously bad first draft of the most famous line in the Declaration of Independence? You probably have, because it has been one of the most celebrated winning entries in the quasi-illustrious history of The Invitational. In fact, it was the best entry of the best single contest of The Style Invitational’s first ten years, according to our own assessment in our tenth-anniversary issue in 2003:




Joseph Romm, a physicist, an acclaimed author, and one of the world’s most pissed-off critics of the public’s pathetic ignorance about climate change, died last week at 66. He was also a Style Invitational superstar from the start. A superstart! More on Joe, and the contest that we have revived this week in his honor, below. But first —

Sounds-Like Fun: The homophones of Week 193
In Invitational Week 193 we asked you to coin new terms that were homophones of existing ones — they sound the same but are spelled differently.

Third runner-up: Colonel of Truth: The military rank right before General Bullshit takes over. (Randy Lee, Burke, Va.)

Second runner-up: DisMrs.: Gets rid of his wife. (Pam Shermeyer, Lathrup Village, Mich.)

First runner-up: Apple self-own: Being the first in your crowd to buy that overhyped, underwhelming $1,999 iPhone Duo. (Chris Doyle, Warminster, Pa.)

And the winner of the Thing 1 and Thing 2 earrings:
Able semen: Pete Hegseth’s minimum standard for future Navy recruits. (Diana Oertel, San Francisco)

Fame-Miss Lost Words: Honorable mentions
Cryptosporidi-yum!: It can be found in the tastiest foods and is an effective way to lose weight. — RFK Jr. (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

Psychlone: A brainstorm. (Henry Rathvon, Lemoyne, Pa., a First Offender)

Reading the rheum: Skipping out on your doctor’s appointment after seeing other patients coughing, wheezing, and blowing their noses. (Chris Doyle)

Canaduh: Which nation is winning the trade dispute in the court of public opinion? (Leif Picoult, Rockville, Md.)

Tomborrow: What comes after your final today. (Jesse Frankovich, Laingsburg, Mich.)

Uncle Sam Wants Ewe: The FBI’s new recruiting slogan. (Randy Lee)

Backsighed: Remembered wistfully when those jeans really didn’t make your butt look fat. (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)

Cum ci, cum ça: A mediocre orgasm. (Stephen Dudzik, Olney, Md.)

Colonel of Truth: A senior military officer Pete Hegseth definitely doesn’t want talking to the press. (Hildy Zampella, Sarasota, Fla.)

Shearin: A severe cutting-down. “He sure took a shearin for trying to stay apolitical.” (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)

Adolessence: The smell of the middle school locker room. (Rick Haynes, Boynton Beach, Fla.)

Navel Observatory: An omphaloskepsis center on Massachusetts Avenue. (Jeff Contompasis)

Eschoir: A Justice Department that’s nothing but a chorus of yes-men. (Kevin Dopart, Houston)

Err Apparent: Donald Trump Jr. (Diana Oertel)

Errcraft: The Boeing 737 Max. (Lee Graham, Columbia, S.C.)

Barnickel: That nasty coin that’s been stuck to the floor at the local pub for years. (Brian Cohen, Winston-Salem, N.C.)

Brakedancing: Driving on the Beltway on a Friday afternoon. (John Winant, Staunton, Va.)

Downlowed: Received a document prefaced by the line “You didn’t get this from me.” (Lee Graham)

Eekonomy: $4.50 gas, $6.50 diesel, and a 5.4% interest rate on 30-year bonds. (Chris Doyle)

Fournicate: To bring a double date to a satisfactory conclusion. (Jonathan Jensen, Baltimore)

GOPee: And they tell you it’s raining. (Leif Picoult)

Nicoteen: Bubblegum-flavored vapes. (Mark Raffman)

Sighence: “I’ve explained this a hundred times — what part of climate change don’t you get?” (Jonathan Jensen)

Soixante-nerf: Very softcore. (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park, Md.)

Suckcess: Someone who wins fame by being spectacularly bad at something. See: Ed Wood, Florence Foster Jenkins. (Jonathan Jensen)

Tso-Tso: Chinese chicken that’s generally okay. (Jesse Frankovich)

Eau Canada: A brand-new song about Lake Ontario. (Roy Ashley, Washington, D.C.)

Bloc-head: Someone who always votes the party line. (Jeff Contompasis)

eyePhone: This newest model is for visual, screen use only, eliminating that obsolete “vocal talking to each other” feature. (Jeff Rackow, Bethesda, Md.)

Lifting waits: The time wasted cooling your heels while the person on your next gym machine is phone-scrolling and using it as an easy chair. (Jeff Hazle, San Antonio, Tex.)

Medecayed: How you might end up after the “Big Beautiful Bill” cuts your coverage. (Jon Gearhart, Des Moines)

A Phew Good Men: Documentary about sanitation workers. (Rob Cohen, Potomac, Md.)

Appetights: The extra-roomy leggings you wear for Thanksgiving dinner. (Jon Gearhart)

Beaustring: All those guys, back in the day, who played you like a fiddle. (Jeff Contompasis)

Deersleigher: Santa’s rap name. (Diana Oertel)

Michagain: School that got another try at the final play. (Jesse Frankovich)

Onomatopeea: A tinkling sound. (Jonathan Paul)

Dumbweighter: Your Mama, goin’ up and down. (Jesse Frankovich)

Aural sex: The dream of the Man from Nantucket. (Jeff Hazle)

The headline “Sounds-Like Fun” was submitted by both Jesse Frankovich and Kevin Dopart; Chris Doyle wrote the honorable-mentions subhead. The Loser Community’s website with all the Invitational stats and stuff is now NRARS.net; the Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook is here. Join and they’ll anagram your name; Jeffrey Contompasis’s is ENJOYS OFFICE TRAMPS.

—

Before we get to the contest in honor of Joe Romm, we’d like to remember him a bit for his work. Joe was the outright winner of the contest a remarkable fourteen times back in our Washington Post years with entries that often stood out for their dark complexity. Here are three:

For a contest for “Deep Thoughts” in the style of Jack Handey, the early SNL oddball writer:
If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be, until the looting started. (Joseph Romm, Washington)

For a contest to cite some infraction and the ensuing excuse:
Infraction: The CIA’s failing to notice Aldrich Ames’s spying in the 1980s.
Excuse: “We were too busy failing to notice the collapse of the Soviet Union.” (Joseph Romm, Washington)

For a contest to come up with new Yiddish-type maledictions:
May your children be so clever they are acquitted of murdering you. (Joseph Romm, Washington)

Joe stopped contributing to the Invite many years ago in order to — get this — spend more time becoming one of the most respected and acerbic international voices against humankind’s blindness to global warming. (Some people just have screwed-up priorities, you know?)

New contest for Week 195: Bad first drafts of famous quotes



Yeah, we’re reprinting it from above. Best examples we have.

For Invitational Week 195: Give us discarded first drafts of famous lines from history. Could be political, historical, literary, lyrical … whatever. You can see the full results of our previous bad-first-draft contests here and here. Go ahead and tell us the actual line, or where it’s from; we won’t feel insulted.

Deadline is Saturday, Oct. 3, at 9 p.m. ET. Results will run here in The Gene Pool on Thursday, Oct. 8.

Formatting your entries: It’s just our usual request to write each entry on a single line, i.e., don’t hit Enter until you’re ready to write the next entry.

Click here for this week’s entry form, or go to tinyurl.com/inv-form-195.

Winner gets this pair of teeny Spam lapel pins, honoring not just the famed tinned meat but also the Monty Python sketch that ranks with Edward R. Murrow’s McCarthyism speech as one of the pinnacles of 20th-century television history. The foot on the left pin does not indicate either the composition or the smell of the meat; it’s a reference to the end of the opening credits of Monty Python Flying Circus. Donated by Dave Prevar.


Your breakfast order could be right on your lapel.
Runners-up get autographed fake money featuring the Czar or Empress, in one of eight nifty designs. Honorable mentions get bupkis, except for a personal email from the E, plus the Fir Stink for First Ink for First Offenders.

Still running — deadline Saturday, Sept. 26, 2026, at 9 p.m. ET: It’s our perennial “Mess With Our Heads” contest for playing off real headlines. Click on “read full story” below for details.

InvisibleInk!
Idea: (Joseph Romm)
Examples: ()
Judging: ()
Title: (Jesse Frankovich; Kevin Dopart)
Subhead: (Chris Doyle)
Prize: (Dave Prevar)
Add:H:1588: ()
VisibleInk!