The Invitational Week 190: Can You Handle It?
What’d be a good Secret Service code name for some celebrity? Plus the winning limericks.
Pat Myers and gene weingarten
Aug 20, 2026




Two imperial servants you might not have been familiar with until this week: Natalie Harp and Abishag of Shunem. See this week’s contest under today’s results.
Hello.

In a word, this week’s new contest is . . . a word. It’s an Invitational milestone. We’ll get to that in a minute, but first, we shall begin a very difficult limerick for you all to finish. All you have to do is fill in the missing words!

Seven inks! That’s an absolute bank of which
Appear down below, all by Frankovich.
So skillful is Jesse
(His scansion’s not messy)
But word word word word word word bitch.

Thank you for your attention to this matter.

J Bards: The limericks of Week 188
Invitational Week 188 was our annual Limerixicon, contributing to the creation of a complete English dictionary whose every entry comprises one or more limericks. This year — our 23rd — we focused on words beginning JA through JD.

Third runner-up:
Stephen Miller has taken control
Of our foreign affairs. In this role,
He’s Trump’s jackal, a man
Who if told that Iran
Must be nuked, answers promptly, “Jawohl!”
(Chris Doyle, Warminster, Pa.)

Second runner-up:
I’ve seen many a female and male bird,
Flamboyantly colored and pale bird,
But there’s one bird I still
Long to spot (and I will!):
The orange-faced Trumpeter jailbird.
(Melissa Balmain, Rochester, N.Y.)

First runner-up:
A laid-back old pothead one day
Joined a bird-watching club in L.A.
They didn’t mind if
He was smoking a spliff —
But were shocked when he lit up a jay.
(Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park, Md.)

And the winner of the hand-shaped sun visor:
“Let’s watch Jaws!” said the Prez with delight,
“It’ll make for a super-fun night!
While you’re quaking with fear,
I’ll just sit back and cheer —
I love anything called a Great White.”
(Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

And for the Invitational Gene Pool Gene Poll:

POLL
Which of the four limericks above is your favorite?
3rd runner-up: Jawohl!
15%
2nd RU: Orange jailbird
39%
1st RU: Lit up a jay
19%
The winner: Jaws/ Great White
28%
576 VOTES · POLL CLOSED
As usual, if you think one or more of the honorable mentions below are better than these, shout out your favorites in the Comments.)

Leave a comment

J-Low: Honorable mentions
At the Days Inn, Lord Finchworth-on-Mews
Had the British expatriate blues.
“The doorman’s a Yankee,
The faucets are janky,
And nobody polished my shoes!”
(David Smith, Pleasanton, Calif.)

I’d say jail is an excellent place
For Trump to retire in disgrace,
Since the self-centered brute
Would be donning a suit
That perfectly matches his face.
(Jesse Frankovich, Laingsburg, Mich.)

My profile is up on Jdate,
Just to find a nice mensch for a mate.
But in search of a catch,
The top pick for my match
Was named Christian O’Shaughnessy Tate.
(Fred Shuback, Silver Spring, Md.)

It’s puzzling for poor RFK
(that’s Junior, I hasten to say):
He writhes and he weasels
About how to stop measles —
Take a jab at it, sir, we all pray.
(Ann Martin, Brentwood, Md.)

Says Pete Hegseth, “Morale isn’t sinkin’
For hands on the USS Lincoln.
Every sailor tells me
Life’s been splendid at sea ...”
What the hell has this jackass been drinkin’?
(Chris Doyle)

Donald Trump is a treasonous man;
Now he’s waging a war on Iran.
They should send him to jail,
Lock him up with no bail,
Along with the whole Coup Klux Klan.
(Gregory Koch, Falls Church, Va.)

Sneered Rand Paul in a voice that was grouchy,
“His methods were sloppy and slouchy!
Prescribing vaccine
Instead of chlorine
Means it’s jail time for Anthony Fauci!”
(Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)

As a baby, Chuck Norris could say
The word “roundhouse” his very first day.
He had a full beard,
And his parents he reared,
And he ate jalapeño puree.
(Jesse Frankovich)

A jamoke who was heavily drinking
Said, “The base of my back could use inking.”
Then in hindsight, he’d rue
His tattoo of a poo
And complain, “What the deuce was I thinking?!”
(Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)

My spouse has acute jamais vu—
Every morning, he’ll bark, “Who are you?”:
When he’s having these spells,
Face and voice ring no bells.
(Well, it could be his booze-swilling, true.)
(Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

Michael Jackson is famous as hell,
As are Jesse and Janet as well,
And we know Shoeless Joe,
Lamar, Reggie, and Bo,
Andrew, Stonewall, and Samuel L.
(Jesse Frankovich)

“Random drug test!” Oh boy, was I stuck —
’Cause last night I’d lit up like a schmuck.
But I peed in the jar …
And my test cleared the bar!
“Holy smokes!” said my wife. “Urine luck!”
(Mark Raffman)

A mother superior runs
A small Jacobin convent and shuns
Any help keeping track
Of her tasks. She’s a jack
Of all trades and a master of nuns.
(Chris Doyle)

Jack is funny but boring on dates:
Though he’s humble, his ego inflates.
He is calm, raving mad,
Full of joy and yet sad—
You could say he’s a jack of all traits.
(Jesse Frankovich)

This java is tasty, for sure!
But it’s pricey and hard to procure.
The beans had to pass
Through a civet cat’s ass —
You look pale! Has it lost its allure?
(Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)

It seems that the courts are quite hesitant
To jail the White House’s chief resident.
Though many were for it
The judge said “Ignore it”
For it would be upsetting president.
(Rob Cohen, Potomac, Md.)

On Jackass they laugh out loud when
Guys get kicked in the scrotum and then
Do a flip in a chair
Or some other dumb dare
You’d expect from a group of groan men.
(Jesse Frankovich)

In the nightmare of Trump’s second term,
Every Cabinet pick makes me squirm.
But in terms of a crackpot,
He sure hit the jackpot
By picking the nut with a worm.
(Jonathan Jensen, Baltimore)

He gets blame when Trump’s plans go askew,
When abuse and corruption shine through,
Making folks look askance;
You’ll hear, “Blame JD Vance!”
He is treated like Don’s number two.
(Duncan Stevens)

Mighty Jabba the Hutt is a dude
Who is massive and sluglike and crude.
While he’s ugly as sin,
He’s not near as bad when
Side by side with Yo Mama he’s viewed.
(Jesse Frankovich)

Since we’re famous for pizzas that glut,
And give diners a monster-size gut,
We have picked a new name
That reflects our true aim:
So now welcome to Jabba the Hut.
(Melissa Balmain)

Some gals like a big, hairy Viking,
Or a dude all in leather for biking.
My crush? That bronze goof
On the clocktower’s roof:
The jacquemart. Why? ’Cause he’s striking!
(Daniel Galef, Cincinnati)

“This one’s jammy, complex, and what’s more,
It’s got berry-like notes I adore,
My review is an 8 —”
I said, “Dear, why not wait,
It’s a juice box, and you’re only four.”
(Mark Raffman)

“A perfectly cooked jambalaya —
There’s no form of food that is haya.”
His words were unneeded —
The point was conceded!
I told him, “You preach to the choaya.”
(Duncan Stevens)

I like jam on a sandwich with ham,
But a traffic jam makes me say, “Damn!”
Oh, how clever I am
As I jam (as in “cram”)
All these “jams” in one verse — it’s my jam!
(Jesse Frankovich)

After voice-throwing lessons, Jack Sprat
Invites Matthew, a buddy, to chat
And have chili one day,
But has little to say.
That’s when Jack and the beans talk to Matt.
(Chris Doyle)

The headline “J Bards” was submitted by both Chris Doyle and Jesse Frankovich; Beverley Sharp and Jeff Contompasis each sent in the honorable-mentions subhead. The Loser Community’s website with all the Invitational stats and stuff is now NRARS.net; the Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook is here.
Hey, if you’re in the D.C. area, join the Empress and various Invite Losers and Devotees for brunch at the Indian restaurant Aditi in Kingstowne, Va., on Saturday, Aug. 29, at 11:45. (Right, Gene won’t be joining us.) Here’s the RSVP form.

New contest for Week 190: Secret Service code names
We’ve never done this before. Perhaps we’ll never do it again!

In this contest, all entries have to be only one word long,

We were reading through the public spasms of insinuation, indignation, and downright glee after Georgia Senator Jon Ossoff seemed to be suggesting that 35-year-old White House aide Natalie Harp was doing more for Donald Trump than merely printing out news stories and fetching him Diet Cokes. And we happened upon a story in by Anne Laurie in the excellent blog Balloon Juice, suggesting a rather brilliant Secret Service name for Ms. Harp: Abishag. (If you don’t recognize the name, click here.)

So that got us thinking:

For Invitational Week 190: Suggest a humorous Secret Service code name for any famous living person. It’s always one word. The Secret Service gives “handles” out for the president and vice president and their families, presidential and vice presidential candidates, members of the Cabinet, foreign heads of state … and celebrities of all sorts who might need temporary protection at White House events. (Frank Sinatra was “Napoleon” during the JFK presidency.) So the field is a wide one.

Deadline is Saturday, Aug. 29, 2026, at 9 p.m. ET. Results will run here in The Gene Pool on Thursday, Sept. 3. As usual, you may submit up to 25 entries for this week’s contest, preferably all on the same form.

Formatting this week: Start each entry with the name of the person, followed by your code name on the same line. That’s it!

Click here for this week’s entry form, or go to tinyurl.com/inv-form-190.

The winner gets this set of four screaming green Zombie Birthday Candles. Perfect for your curious 4-year-old (or 40-year-old, or some other multiple). Donated by Hall of Fame Prize Donor Dave Prevar.




Celebrate your favorite zombie’s, um, undeathday? This week’s prize.
Runners-up get autographed fake money featuring the Czar or Empress, in one of eight nifty designs. Honorable mentions get bupkis, except for a personal email from the E, plus the Fir Stink for First Ink for First Offenders.

Still running — deadline Saturday, Aug. 22, at 9 p.m. ET: Choose one or more of the simple graphic icons we provide — e.g., a peace sign, the pi symbol — and use them to create a funny piece of art, either by hand or electronically. Click on “read full story” below for details.

InvisibleInk!
Idea: ()
Examples: ()
Judging: ()
Title: (Chris Doyle; Jesse Frankovich)
Subhead: (Beverley Sharp; Jeff Contompasis)
Prize: (Dave Prevar)
Add:H:1588: ()
VisibleInk!