The Invitational Week 188: Jammin’ with Limerixicon XXIII
We’re up to J in our annual limerick dictionary contest. Plus winning questions for dead people!
Pat Myers and gene weingarten
Aug 06, 2026

M.C. Escher – Relativity (1953) – artschaft


Elon Musk to Escher: “Oh, I can build that.” See today’s results.
—

Hello.

A comely young lass from Nantucket
Sought assistance in kicking the bucket.
“No problem, my child,”
Doc Kevorkian smiled,
“Wrap your lips ’round my tailpipe and suck it.”

That was an entry submitted to The Invitational a very long time ago, when we were part of The Washington Post — and we knew we could not print it. See how times have changed? For today’s limerick contest, there are no holds barred, in subject matter, beyond those you set for yourself. (And do set some. We’re not totally without standards.)

But in the meanwhile, let’s contact the afterlife.

DED Talks: Seance-chat from Week 186
In Invitational Week 186, we asked you to imagine that some famous person conjured up a famous dead person at, say, a seance — what might the living person say or ask?

Third runner-up: Donald Trump to Alfred Nobel: “Who do I have to talk to?” (Jesse Frankovich, Laingsburg, Mich.)

Second runner-up:
Elon Musk to M.C. Escher: “Oh, I can build that.” (Jesse Frankovich)

First runner-up:
DJT to Alexander: “I totally conquered Persia! MUCH FASTER than you! But no one calls ME Donald the Great! VERY UNFAIR!” (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

And the winner of the baby-head earrings:
Stephen Miller to Hitler: “How did you find the time?” (Lee Graham, Columbia, S.C.)


Mortal Remains: Honorable mentions
Donald Trump to James Buchanan: “You’re welcome.” (Jon Ketzner, Cumberland, Md.)

Donald Trump to Benjamin Franklin: “Thanks to my guy Blanche, I’ve solved the taxes part.” (Michael Stein, Arlington, Va.)

Sen. Bernie Moreno to Jonas Salk: “Who the fuck did you think you were for inventing the polio vaccine?” (Chris Doyle, Warminster, Pa.)

Elizabeth Warren to Pocahontas: “It woulda killed you to marry one of my ancestors?” (Lee Graham)

RFK Jr. to Hippocrates: “Bodily humors? Genius! I wish you could have been my undersecretary.” (Duncan Stevens)

AOC to Mahatma Gandhi: “Would it be okay if I punched Trump in the face just once?” (Leif Picoult, Rockville, Md.)

Pope Leo XIV to Minnie Miñoso: “Hey, wanna be a saint?” (Jon Ketzner)

Elon Musk to Henry Ford: “Henry, we designed different kinds of cars, but at least we both hate the Jews.” (Jon Cannon, Potomac, Md.)

Christopher Nolan to Homer: “You gotta see this! Um, listen to it, maybe.” (Duncan Stevens)

Andrew Wiles to Pierre de Fermat: “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.” (Michael Stein)

JD Vance to Lindsey Graham: “Was selling your soul worth it? Uh, asking for a friend.” (Duncan Stevens)

DJT to Miguel de Cervantes: “Not many people know it, but i just found out you wrote a great book. Finally, someone who recognizes how TERRIBLE WINDMILLS ARE!” (Duncan Stevens)

Daveed Diggs to Thomas Jefferson: “You’ll never guess who I play.” (Jesse Rifkin, Arlington, Va.)

Bob Dylan to Marlon Brando: “Mmm tmried tmm mm send a mnative mmmermmcan tmm too.” (Kevin Dopart, Naxos, Greece)

Samuel L. Jackson to Eve: “Motherfucking snakes, am I right?” (Jesse Frankovich)

RFK Jr. to Julia Child: “Possum testicles: peppery sauce béarnaise or a creamy velouté?” (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park, Md.)

Melania to Mary Todd Lincoln: So, if you don’t mind my asking, how did you get him to go to the theater? (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

Trump to Frederick Douglass: “Why don’t you come to the White House next week and we’ll have dinner?” (William Kennard, Arlington, Va.)

RFK Jr. to members of the Donner Party: “Is it true human flesh tastes like chicken?” (Lee Graham)

And Last:
Mitch McConnell to Lindsey Graham: “I can’t believe anyone still thinks I’m still eligible for this contest!” (Ken Stern, Brooklyn, who last got Invitational ink eleven years ago)

The headline “DED Talks” is by Jon Gearhart; Jon Cannon the honorable-mentions subhead. The Loser Community’s website with all the Invitational stats and stuff is now NRARS.net; the Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook is here.

New contest for Week 188: Limerixicon XXIII — J-word limericks
As we have every year since its debut in 2004, we drop in for a week to provide some prime fodder for the Omnificent English Dictionary in Limerick Form. OEDILF.com is the life’s work of limerick-lover Chris Strolin, who’s enlisted more than a thousand eager writers (many of them Invitational Loserbards) in a quest to write at least one limerick — a meticulously constructed, witty limerick — for every word in the English language. As of this week they’ve approved 131,145 limericks — and they’re just up to the beginning of the J’s.


For Invitational Week 136: Supply a humorous, previously unpublished limerick that significantly features any word, name, or multi-word term beginning with the letters Ja- through Jd-, as in the example below by the Czar of The Invitational. We’ll rule right now that letter range includes “JD Vance.” And, for that matter:




JB Pritzger is fat, chides our POTUS.
“So are you,” says the guv — “don’t you notice?”
This battle of girth
Has no merit or mirth —
It’s a big gassy feud. (You can quote us.)
While we no longer have to worry about “family newspaper” restriction on ribald limericks, we’re still as strict as always about the limerick form: “perfect” rhyme; a strong “hickory-dickory-dock” rhythm within Lines 1, 2, and 5; a “dickory-dock” in Lines 3 and 4; one or more un-accented syllables on either side are fine. Say the example above with exaggerated accents — j b PRITZ-ker-is FAT, chides-our PO-tus — and you’ll get the hickory-thing.

For a lot more detail, you can read the Empress’s primer “Get Your ’Rick Rolling.” Or just read over last year’s winners.

Deadline is Saturday, Aug. 15, 2026, at 9 p.m. ET. Results will run here in The Gene Pool on Thursday, Aug. 20. As usual, you may submit up to 25 entries for this week’s contest, preferably all on the same form.

Formatting this week: As with all our poetry contests, just write your limerick as it ought to look when published, in five lines. Don’t bother trying to boldface or italicize your J- word, though; it won’t transmit in the entry form.

Click here for this week’s entry form, or go to tinyurl.com/inv-form-188.

The winner gets this ultimate in convenience for these hot, sunny days: Why hold up your hand to shield your eyes when you can have this to do it for you? Next time Donald Trump decides to stare straight at a solar eclipse, the White House will already be prepared with one of these on hand (so to speak). Notice that it is gold.


Runners-up get autographed fake money featuring the Czar or Empress, in one of eight nifty designs. Honorable mentions get bupkis, except for a personal email from the E, plus the Fir Stink for First Ink for First Offenders.

Still running — deadline Saturday, Aug. 8, at 9 p.m. ET: Inasmuch as Trump put up warning signs outside the Smithsonian Museum of American History, tell us (remember, we’re a humor contest) what institution he might target next, and how. Click on “read full story” below for details.

InvisibleInk!
Idea: ()
Examples: ()
Judging: ()
Title: (Jon Gearhart)
Subhead: (Jon Cannon)
Prize: ()
Add:H:1588: ()
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