The Invitational Week 187: Ruination Rumination
What institution will he go after next? Plus the winners of our caption contest.
Pat Myers and gene weingarten
Jul 30, 2026




What’s our favorite caption for this picture? Our lips are sealed. But just scroll down just a li’l bit and you’ll see eight candidates.
Hello. What is your domestic policy? Are you part of a heterosexual nuclear family? Do you have exactly 1.94 children and 2.2 pets and 1.88 vehicles? If not, you’d better shape up before the Domestic Policy Council comes for you with pitchforks. Also, speaking of pitchforks, see the American Gothic photo, down below.

Photo Fun of It: Inking captions from Week 185
Invitational Week 185 was the latest iteration of our caption contest, featuring seven photos and a painting. Yes, many of you noted that the man above had just ingested chili peppers, a whiskey sour, or various citrus products such as Hydrochloric Lemonade.

For the picture above:
Third runner-up: This nose-picking cessation surgery has a 100 percent success rate.
(Jeff Hazle, San Antonio)

Honorable mentions:
“We didn’t mean you literally should zip your lip.” (Mark Asquino, Santa Fe, N.M.)

Arkansas’ “Kissing Booth” at the Great American State Fair. (Steve Smith, Beverly, Mass.)

How Trump’s nominee responded when asked, “Who won the 2020 presidential election?” (Art Grinath, Takoma Park, Md.; Steve Smith)

Never try to smell your uvula. (Jesse Frankovich, Laingsburg, Mich.)

Trump supporters have virtually no face left to lose. (Jon Gearhart, Des Moines)

“Did you like that salad? I got it at Taco Bell in Detroit.” (John Winant, Staunton, Va.)

It was hard to find a model willing to pose in a turtleneck sweater. (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)




Second runner-up: The Reflecting Pool vandals escape unnoticed, leaving a 350-foot gash in their imperceptible wake.
(Stephen Dudzik, Olney, Md.)

Norm understood why they always made him drive the carpool, but that didn’t mean he had to like it. (Marni Penning Coleman, Falls Church, Va.)

A great French meal almost prepares itself. (Kevin Dopart, Naxos, Greece)

After countless attempts, they decided that there was no position in which they could have a threesome. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)

When an alligator goes to bed hungry, his dreams are vivid. (Mark Raffman)

Even nature has HOV lanes. (Leif Picoult, Rockville, Md.)

“For your safety, please keep your eyestalks inside the vehicle at all times.” (Jesse Frankovich)




First runner-up: “When they told me I’d be a ‘top model,’ I thought …”
(Michael Stein, Arlington, Va.)

Bobbie was pleasingly plumb. (Kevin Dopart)

When you’re 33-24-56, you’ll take whatever fits. (Mark Raffman)

Even though she could easily stand on one foot, she failed the field sobriety test for “just looking like that.” (Jon Ketzner, Cumberland, Md.)

Gloria misinterpreted what it means to be hip. (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)

Motley Cruet. (Jeff Hazle)

Claudia was once again caught stealing hula hoops. (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

“Ooh, I wouldn’t mind getting into her dreidel.” (Jon Ketzner)




And the winner of the Planet Pluto memorial mug:
The secret hand signals for Auntie-fa.
(Frank Stanonik, Falls Church, Va.)

Annie couldn’t resist a selfie with the girls at the diner before heading over to the hospital to get her extra hand cut off. (Dan Helming, Conshohocken, Pa.)

The chaperones didn’t seem to mind that someone had spiked the punch at the Midwood High Junior Prom. (Mark Raffman)

Nettie hadn’t noticed that her friends had sneaked in “devil horns” — not to mention the giant spider they’d put in her cocktail. (Beverley Sharp)


Photo Bombs: More honorable mentions



Pete Hegseth had a nightmare about the medical team treating his heart attack. (Mark Raffman)

“This bulletin from the CDC says we should all go home and make babies.” (Marcianna Caplis, Williamsburg, Mass., a First Offender)

Matt would soon regret sending dick pics to his rhinoplasty surgical team. (Stephen Dudzik)

“I bet $200 on Kalshi that the ER tonight gets a minimum of three bone fractures, two gunshot wounds, and a foreign object inside the body.” (Pam Shermeyer, Lathrup Village, Mich.)

“The HHS app says the patient likely suffers from Trump Derangement Syndrome.” (Leif Picoult)




The VIP grandstand for the Iran War victory parade down Pennsylvania Avenue is expected to be filled “in about two weeks.” (Kevin Dopart)

It was hard to keep the seats filled for more than a few minutes at a time at the Cyclosporiasis Benefit Concert. (Duncan Stevens)

Joe’s Roadside Diner is now open. (Lee Graham, Columbia, S.C.)

Frontier Airlines unveils its new Economy-Plus Extra Vertical Legroom seats. (Kevin Dopart)

“I don’t like the looks of those four. Let’s you and me get out of here!” (Mark Asquino)

The improper disposal of stool samples. (Daniel Galef, Cincinnati)

The Super 8 version of “The Odyssey” didn’t fill as many seats. (Stephen Dudzik)




How does Oliver stay so deadpan whenever he gooses Mildred? (Jon Ketzner)

“And you thought we were old in ‘American Gothic.’ ” (Michael Stein)




What happens after both your wives meet at the prenatal clinic. (Barbara Turner, Takoma Park, Md.)

“Methinks Duke Hegseth’s men hath too little testosterone.” (Kevin Dopart)

Wearied by artistic symbolism, Scipio decides to sleep through the Renaissance. (Richard Alexander, Grand Rapids, Mich.)

“Take this book while I cut the tree from his shoulder.” (Neil Kurland, Elkridge, Md.)

“Alas! ’Tis another knight, slain by the giant rabbit which reclines, gloating, on yonder hill! When will this nightmare end?” (Tom Witte)

“Wherefore hath he nipples on his doublet?” (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)

The headline “Photo Fun of It” is by Jesse Frankovich; Jesse and also Neil Kurland suggested the honorable-mentions subhead. The Loser Community’s website with all the Invitational stats and stuff is now NRARS.net; the Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook is here.

New contest for Week 187: Trump’s next Target
The White House Domestic Policy Council recently took a tour of the Smithsonian Institution’s American History Museum, and had a shitfit. The Trump-appointed unmitigated toadies advisory body found the exhibits to be insufficiently celebratory of the untarnished glory of America, and recommended that a label be placed at every entrance to the museum, reading: “Warning: The exhibits in this museum were prepared by people who don’t want you to love your country.’”

We are not making this up. The Council is headed by the same guy whom Donald Trump has appointed to try to ram his “Trump Arch” eyesore through a disapproving public. It’s all in this story.

The Council was particularly steamed that the museum was too damn denunciatory of slavery, and that its basic message throughout was “anti-white” and promotes “illegal alien activism” and “transgender activism.” President Trump, who does not control the Smithsonian, immediately issued an executive order titled “Restoring Trust in the Smithsonian Institution.” It ordered the National Park Service to place temporary signage outside the museum “that corrects inaccurate information presented inside the Museum.”

Which brings us to your task for this week: For Invitational Week 187: What institutions in America will the folks on the Domestic Policy Council cast their gimlet eyes on next, and what remedial/corrective actions will they recommend? (AHEM: This is a humor contest.) You can interpret “domestic policy” as loosely as you wish, and the institutions can be public or private — heck, these guys don’t seem to care.

For example:

• Sign on Mount Rushmore: “Work in progress: Fifth head to be added in 2027.”

• New guideline for district attorneys stipulating that, in prosecuting domestic violence cases, weight must be given to “whether she was kinda asking for it.”

• Golf course “greens” must now be called “mini-pastures,” so as to avoid referencing outlandish, nutcake environmental policies.

Deadline is Saturday, Aug. 8, 2026, at 9 p.m. ET. Results will run here in The Gene Pool on Thursday, Aug. 13. As usual, you may submit up to 25 entries for this week’s contest, preferably all on the same form.

Formatting your entries: Just our standard request to put each individual entry on one line; i.e., don’t hit Enter until you’re beginning the next entry.

Click here for this week’s entry form, or go to tinyurl.com/inv-form-187.

The winner gets this official T-shirt of the Acme Research Center and its most renowned subject. Donated by that donatin’ fool Stu Segal.




Runners-up get autographed fake money featuring the Czar or Empress, in one of eight nifty designs. Honorable mentions get bupkis, except for a personal email from the E, plus the Fir Stink for First Ink for First Offenders.

Still running — deadline Saturday, Aug. 1, at 9 p.m. ET: We invite you to tell us what some well-known living person might ask or tell some well-known dead person. Click on “read full story” below for details.

InvisibleInk!
Idea: ()
Examples: ()
Judging: ()
Title: (Jesse Frankovich)
Subhead: (Jesse Frankovich; Neil Kurland)
Prize: ()
Add:H:1588: ()
VisibleInk!