The Invitational Week 183: Same Difference
How is the Trump Arch like a head of kale? You tell us. Plus winning new wording for ‘Speed Bump’ cartoons.
Pat Myers and gene weingarten
Jul 02, 2026

(Image of woman and a cat wearing a Groucho mask. The woman says "The landlord doesn't allow pets.")

Jesse Frankovich’s total rewrite of a vintage “Speed Bump” panel — he hadn’t seen the original words — topped this week’s Invitational results. See our picks below for seven more Re-Bumps, plus Dave Coverly’s original wordings.
Hello. Do you ever write a grocery-store list? Do you ever look at it carefully, and think, “I wonder what links two of these items to each other?” No, neither do we. But if we did, we might just decide that “eggs” and “crackers” are alike because, in a way, eggs are crackers. Har har. You’ll do better than that in today’s new contest. But first, this:

It Wouldn’t Be Coverly: Reworded ‘Speed Bump’ panels from Week 181
In Invitational Week 181 we once again prevailed upon the cartoonist Dave Coverly to send us eight of his old “Speed Bump” cartoons but take the words out of the word balloons. You get to fill them up. Dave also agreed to pick the winners. We gave him 20 finalists, and he took it from there. He picked eight — one for each cartoon. We winnowed it down to a winning four, but Dave re-lettered all eight of them.

After the inking entries under each cartoon, there’s Dave’s original text.

Third runner-up:

(Image of Adam and Eve, both looking at cell phones, Adam saying "Ooh, you
know what would be sexy? If you sent me a picture of you wearing a fig leaf.")

(Jon Ketzner, Cumberland, Md.)

Honorable mentions:
“Can you come look at this and tell me how many squares with traffic lights you see?” (Art Grinath, Takoma Park, Md.)

“I see you posted another video on OnlyFan.” (Karen Lambert, Chevy Chase, Md.)

“What are you doing? We’re only allowed to use Androids.” (Noah Leibert, Ramstein AFB, Germany, a First Offender; Kevin Dopart, Naxos, Greece; Jeff Hazle, San Antonio, Tex.)

DAVE COVERLY’S ORIGINAL: “I just think it’s weird you’re not following me back.”

Second runner-up:

(Image of three notes on a staff, one solitary note and two connected ones.
The solitary one says "I knew it! You have to have connections to get a higher
staff position.")

(Karen Lambert, Chevy Chase, Md.)

“Ugh, they let ANYBODY into this bar.” (Jesse Frankovich, Laingsburg, Mich.)

“Yes, I know, two’s company and three’s a chord.” (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)

“Well, lah-dee-dah! I’m so tired of you and your upscale condescension.” (Judy Freed, Philadelphia; Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)

DAVE’S ORIGINAL: “For the last time, yes, he’s still following you.”

—

First runner-up:

(Image of two identical men on a sofa and two women looking at them. One woman
says to the other, "Whenever he watches the news these days, Tim is simply
beside himself with anguish."

(Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.; Jesse Frankovich, Laingsburg, Mich.)

“At some point I really should shoot the evil alien clone, but it’s been so nice to have the extra help around the house.” (Daniel Galef, Cincinnati)

“I just cannot resist a BOGO sale!” (Jeff Hazle, San Antonio)

DAVE’S ORIGINAL: “Bob retired from the cloning lab, and now he doesn’t know what to do with himself.”

And the winner of Dave Coverly’s 2027 Dog Days daily calendar, signed by Dave:

(Image of woman and a cat wearing a Groucho mask. The woman says "The landlord doesn't allow pets.")

(Jesse Frankovich, Laingsburg, Mich.)

“Actually, he identifies as Gummo, but nobody makes Gummo masks.” (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)

“He ratted out the wrong rat and now he’s in Witness Protection.” (Gary Crockett)

And Last: “Well, we named her Grandpa just as a joke, but then …” (Leif Picoult, Rockville, Md.)

DAVE’S ORIGINAL: “He always hides when company comes over.”

More honorable mentions:

(Image of a giant wooden toaster outside castle gates. A soldier above the
gate says to his companion, "Whatever you do, keep that thing away from the
moat.")

(Jesse Frankovich)

“Quick — somebody invent sliced bread!” (Tom Witte)

“Tell them, ‘No thanks, the kitchen is avocado.’ ” (Jon Ketzner)

“Prepare to pour the boiling butter!” (Gary Crockett)

“Since no one’s discovered electricity yet, we’ll probably be okay...” (Michael Stein, Arlington, Va.; Beverley Sharp)

“Those tacky Trojans — one never gives appliances as gifts.” (Dan Helming, Conshohocken, Pa.)

DAVE’S ORIGINAL: “It’s obviously a regift.”

—

(Image of two men standing around a desk. Seated at the desk is a dog in an
executive chair. One man says to the dog, "Mr. Spot, this is Sheldon Johnson,
the guy we hired to lick your balls for you.")


(Jeff Hazle, San Antonio)

“Judging from our second-quarter results, I can confirm you have been a very good boy.” (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

“President Fido, this is the aide who will carry the nuclear tennis ball when you’re traveling.” (Jeff Hazle)

“Sir, the union is demanding higher wags.” (Karen Lambert)

“Ahem, sir, Mr. Johnson from HR is here to discuss how you greet new employees.” (Steve Smith, Beverly, Mass.)

DAVE’S ORIGINAL: “He can shake, he can speak, and he can bill.”

—
(Image of a doctor and a patient. The patient is standing but very bent-over.
He says to the doctor, "They advertise pills to get you erect, but those
didn't help at ALL."

(Sam Mertens, Silver Spring, Md.)

“It’s been like this ever since my kid stepped on a line.” (Art Grinath)

“I would say no, the standup colonoscopy is not more ‘fun.’ ” (Leif Picoult)

“My height? Nobody knows.” (Gary Crockett)

DAVE’S ORIGINAL: “It hurts when I do this, but it hurts more that you laugh when I do this.”

—
(Image of two pencils, one with a pointed head and one with an eraser head,
holding hands and talking to a pen. The one with the pointed head says "She
incompletes me.")

(Art Grinath, Takoma Park, Md.)

“Sorry, when we placed our polyamory ad, we specified ‘nothing permanent.’ ” (Karen Lambert)

“We met in a coffee mug.” (Jon Ketzner)

“Don’t mind Lydia, she’s got a touch of pens envy.” (Jesse Frankovich)

“We’ve been together so long she erases my sentences before I can finish them.” (Art Grinath)

“Don’t worry, Dad, we’re using pocket protection.” (Gary Crockett)

And Last: “Hi, Mr. Pen! We were wondering if you could help us get ink in The Invitational.” (Beverley Sharp; Eric Nelkin, Silver Spring, Md.)

DAVE’S ORIGINAL: “She’s great at keeping my $%^& [partially erased] potty mouth from getting me in trouble.”

The headline “It Wouldn’t Be Coverly” is by William Kennard. See Invitational stats, events, and other info at its new address, NRARS.net; join the Invitational Devotees group here.

Still running — deadline Saturday, July 4, at 10 p.m. ET: It’s our contest to give bad advice to people in certain situations, like someone visiting New York for the first time. Click on “read full story” below for details.

The Invitational Week 182: Badvice
Pat Myers and gene weingarten
·
Jun 25
Read full story
New contest for Week 183: Compare two items on our list
It’s time for our senescent venerable Same Difference contest, in which we offer up a passel of random items and y’all compare or contrast any two (or more) in some funny way. Here’s this year’s list; a number of them were contributed by The Invitational’s lively Facebook group.

Algae
Hieronymus Bosch
A mushroom penis
A singing gondolier on the Styx
A blues riff
Edibles
A traveling ska band
An enraged rabbit
An enraged rabbi
Frank Drebin
The Trump Arch
A head of kale
Butt-augmentation surgery
A love limerick written by AI
A 2001 Honda Accord
A broken zipper
The Michelin Man
A Madison Square Garden wedding
A pair of Birkenstocks
A propeller hat
The difference between a propeller hat and a mushroom penis: The hat-owner could stay up longer.
A pair of Birkenstocks is like a head of kale: You can stomp around on either and they’ll still be tough as ever.
For Invitational Week 183: Tell us humorously how any two (or more) items on the list above are alike, different, or otherwise linked, as in the examples above. See last year’s results here.

Click here for this week’s entry form, or go to tinyURL.com/inv-form-183. As usual, you may submit up to 25 entries for this week’s contest, preferably all on the same form.

Formatting: It’s just our standard request to write each of your entries as a single line; i.e., don’t push Enter until the end of each entry.

Deadline is Saturday, July 11, 2026, at 9 p.m. ET. Results will run here in The Gene Pool on Thursday, July 15.

The winner receives the Official Headwear of The Invitational Starting Right Now: This classic dweeb-topper comes complete with propeller — and even includes an elastic chin strap lest the hat rotor itself right off the top of the dweeb-head. This fine piece of haberdashery fits a full-grown man, as evidenced by the Empress’s astonishingly obliging Royal Consort.

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