The Invitational Week 180: Riddle-Fiddle
Answer a question entirely in a rhyme. Plus this week’s results: winningly spicy threesomes.
Pat Myers and gene weingarten
Jun 11, 2026




The season’s trendiest beach art is part of the numbers racket behind this week’s Invitational results.
Hello.

What’s today’s new contest? Terse Verse. We’ll get to it only after laughter. Presenting the results of our previous contest:

Shtick Figures: The triple plays of Week 178
In Invitational Week 178 we asked you to choose a phrase featuring a number or quantity, then vary that number — twice — and describe the results.

Third runner-up:
400 Blows: Important French film.
4,000 blows: What Trump’s Cabinet is on pace to give him.
47 blows: The verdict of most people not in Trump’s Cabinet.
(Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

Second runner-up:
23 and Me: If you ask what genetic testing service had the worst data breach, this is the answer.
#23 and Me: If you ask Michael Jordan or LeBron James to name the two greatest basketball players of all time, this is their answer.
23,000 and Me: If you ask 47 how many pardons he plans to issue before the end of his term, this is his answer. (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

First runner-up:
Three Men and a Baby: A 1987 comedy film.
Four men and a baby: A set of CPR training mannequins.
Seventeen men, five women, and a baby: A Cabinet meeting. (Jesse Frankovich, Laingsburg, Mich.)

And the winner of the T-shirt with a creepy trompe l’oeil face:
13: A baker’s dozen.
12: A regular person’s dozen.
11: A lawyer’s dozen. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)

And now it’s the Invitational Gene Pool Gene Poll:

POLL
Which of the above winners is funniest?
3rd runner-up: 400/4,000/47 Blows
23%
2nd RU: 23 and Me
16%
1st RU: ... and a Baby
46%
The winner: Dozens
16%
496 VOTES · 1 HOUR REMAINING
As usual, if you think one or more of the honorable mentions below are better than these, shout out your favorites in the Comments.)

Leave a comment

Nos.: Honorable mentions
Around the world in 80 days: The speed of Phileas Fogg.
Around the world in 80 minutes: The speed of a Starlink satellite.
Around the world in 80 milliseconds: The speed of a lie on the Internet. (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)

A New York minute: The instant between the light turning green and the car honking behind you.
A New York hour: The time it takes to drive two blocks in Midtown on a Friday afternoon.
A New York quarter-century: The time it’s taken the Knicks to make it back to the NBA Finals. (Chris Doyle, Warminster, Pa.)

Seven Brides for Seven Brothers: Rollicking musical comedy set in backwoods Oregon.
Seven Brides for Seventy Brothers: Rollicking musical comedy set in backwoods Alaska.
Seven Brides for Two Brothers: Rollicking musical comedy set in backwoods Utah. (David Smith, Pleasanton, Calif.)

20,000 Leagues Under the Sea: A novel by Jules Verne.
0.6857 leagues under the sea: The Titanic.
2 leagues under the sea: The XFL and USFL — three times each. (Michael Stein, Arlington, Va.)

68 mph: How fast you have to go if you’re being chased by a cheetah.
88 mph: How fast you have to go to get back to the future.
8 mph: How fast you have to go to get back to Fairfax. (Jesse Frankovich)

12 Angry Men: Good name for a tense courtroom drama.
11 Angry Men: Better name than “Washington Commanders.”
10 Angry Men: The best name for the 2028 GOP Rubio/Cruz/Vance/Paxton/Hegseth/
RFK Jr./Patel/Lindell/Tarrio/Fuentes presidential primary. (Duncan Stevens)

Forty winks: A nap.
Four winks: A new parent’s nap.
Forty-seven winks: A Cabinet meeting nap. (Jesse Frankovich)

36-24-36: Marilyn Monroe.
32–23–33: Keira Knightley.
63-63-63: Yo Mama. (Chris Doyle)

60 minutes: An hour.
50 minutes: A therapist’s hour.
Zero: Bari Weiss’s “60 Minutes.” (Art Grinath, Takoma Park, Md.)

A twosome: A date for a lucky guy.
A threesome: A date for a really lucky guy.
A onesome: A date for a typical guy. (Jon Ketzner, Cumberland, Md.)

On all twos: Standing.
On all fours: On your hands and knees.
On all sixes: Stormy Daniels on her hands and knees and … (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)

Dressed to the nines: Wearing your best outfit, like a visitor to the White House.
Dressed to the ’90s: Wearing a neon windbreaker and a fanny pack, like a visitor to a D.C. museum.
Dressed to the 900s: Wearing face paint and a horned headdress, like a visitor to the Capitol. (Jesse Frankovich)

The seven-year itch: Your marriage has lost its allure.
The seven-month itch: That new job has become routine.
The seven-hour itch: Peace negotiations are boring. (Jonathan Jensen, Baltimore)

Se7en: A gripping thriller about the Seven Deadly Sins.
Ei8ht: A fairly interesting documentary about an octopus.
Ni9e: A total snoozer set at Nationals Park. (Jesse Frankovich)

6 7: Meaninglessness.
Sixes and sevens: Confusion.
86 47: Treason. (Gary Crockett)

Seven deadly sins: Gluttony, greed, sloth, lust, pride, wrath, envy.
Two diddly sins: You end a text with a period, and you wrote two numbers in seashells.
One dadly sin: “What’s brown and sticky? A stick!” (Duncan Stevens)

Fahrenheit 451: Temperature at which book paper spontaneously catches fire and burns.
Fahrenheit 212: Temperature at which our tears boil away into the heavens.
Fahrenheit 1763: Temperature at which a Trump Commemorative Gold Coin returns to a more useful molten form. (Stephen Dudzik, Olney, Md.)

2001: A Space Odyssey: A man tries to get to Jupiter.
76: A Space Odyssey: A man tries to find room for more Nathan’s hot dogs.
0: A Space Odyssey: A man tries to park in Manhattan. (Jesse Frankovich)

The 300: Spartans at Thermopylae.
The 200,000: Persians at Thermopylae.
The 100,000,000: Attendees at both Trump inaugurations. (Gary Crockett)

Philadelphia 76ers: Basketball team.
Philadelphia .76-ers: Basketball fans designated by their blood alcohol level.
Philadelphia 76%-ers: Basketball fans filling most of the seats at Wizards home games. (Duncan Stevens)

The whole nine yards: The entire thing.
The whole 90 yards: How much of the toilet paper my cat unraveled.
The whole 900 yards: Our Great President’s Best Tee Shot! (Jesse Frankovich)

Three-ring circus: Barnum & Bailey.
One-ring circus: Middle Earth.
Five-ring circus: The upcoming L.A. Olympics. (Jeff Contompasis)

On cloud nine: Elated.
On cloud ’49: Elated because you just struck gold.
On cloud 69: Elated because you are being fellated. (Tom Witte)

Million-dollar smile: An attractive smile.
Thousand-dollar smile: A salesman’s smile.
Five-cent smile: A gas-induced smile. (Tom Witte)

The headline “Shtick Figures” was submitted by both Kevin Dopart and Jesse Frankovich; Jesse also contributed the honorable-mentions subhead.

But first, this 500-pun salute:
With his parody of “Alouette” last week, Jonathan Paul of the D.C. suburb of Garrett Park, Md., scored his 500th blot of Invitational ink, thus becoming the latest member of the Invite Hall of Fame.

Among the more than 5,500 people who’ve gotten Invite ink over the years, the now-retired computery person for the Federal Reserve perhaps best personifies The Invitational’s signature mix of highbrow and lowbrow humor, the haughty and the potty, as you can see from this sampler of Jonathanian gems from the past 31 years — including some of his 26 contest winners and more than 100 inking foal names from our annual contest.




Ale to the newest Invitational Hall of Fame winner! Jonathan Paul, who would have hit 500 inks long ago if he hadn’t mostly stepped away from the Invite for 20 years.
Hifalutin jokes:
What did Caesar say to spread confusion among the Gauls? “Enivay, idivay, icivay.”

Bad poetry:
My verse flies up on wings inspired,
And, hoo boy, are my metaphors tired.

Old and new concerns for Baby Boomers:
Then: You’re growing pot.
Now: Your growing pot.

Signs a presidential campaign might be in trouble:
Mothers start holding up their babies for the candidate to change.

Ruin a famous line by ending it with a thud:
I float like a butterfly and sting like a hemorrhoid.

Rewrite a well-known story as someone else would tell it:
“Hamlet and Ophelia were a good couple. Claudius and Gertrude were evil. Polonius was good and so was Horatio, but Laertes was evil. Clowns good, gravediggers evil. Then there was Fortinbras. We had a Fortinbras at Delta Kappa Epsilon. He was a major league bunghole.” — “Hamlet,” retold by George W. Bush

Change a word by one letter:
The Fundead: Corpses who walk around at night with lampshades on their heads.

Lines from a Trumpian Gettysburg Address:
“Fourscore — a number like no one’s seen before — not even Sloppy George McClellan or Useless S. Grant, Liddle Frederick Douglass, Horace Greedy, Harriet Tubman — NASTY WOMAN! —I call her Tubby . . .

And from our annual contests to “breed” the names of two Triple Crown-nominated racehorses and name the “foal”:
Professor Higgins x The Senate = Doolittle
Ready Shakespeare x Litigate = Exit, Sued by Bear
Domestic Product x Just a Touch = Frottage Industry
Empire Way x Ever So Lucky = Appian Carefree
Lonesome Boy x Candymaker = Incel and Gretel

New contest for Week 180: Riddles with rhyming punchlines
Q. What do the makers of Viagra guarantee? A: Never-fail-ya genitalia. (Sue Lin Chong)

Q. What’s the new appliance gadget designed to discourage nibbling between
meals? A. Black & Decker Snackin’ Wrecker. (Mae Scanlan)

Q. What is another name for Mad Sea Cow Disease? A: Manatee Insanity. (Tom Witte)

Q. What was the frightfully successful new line at the Big & Tall store? A. King Kong’s string thongs. (Kevin Dopart)

Here’s a contest we’ve done only two times before — and both were ages ago.

For Invitational Week 180: Ask a riddle-style question and answer it with rhyming words or phrases, as in the examples above from 2000 and 2014. You may rhyme more than two elements, but they all have to be the same rhyme. So the phrase “Black & Decker” above rhymes with the phrase “Snackin’ Wrecker,” but you can’t have two sets of different rhymes, like “the fat cat on the red bed.” (For further guidance, see the earlier results here and here.)

Formatting your entries: Please write your question and answer in the same line, as in the examples above (i.e., don’t press Enter until you’re beginning your next entry). Otherwise your Q is going to show up all by itself on our judging list and your A is going to show up somewhere else and your entry is toast.

Deadline is Saturday, June 20, 2026, at 9 p.m. ET. Results will run here in The Gene Pool on Thursday, June 25. As usual, you may submit up to 25 entries for this week’s contest, preferably all on the same form.

Click here for this week’s entry form, or go to tinyurl.com/inv-form-180.

Winner gets this comfy pair of socks — perfect for all those occasions where you really want your shins and feet to look like cartoon cow legs. Appropriately, they are calf high. They stretch but probably would be too tight for your larger-hoofed men.

The Empress models this week’s prize in the tiptoe hoof position.
Runners-up get autographed fake money featuring the Czar or Empress, in one of eight nifty designs. Honorable mentions get bupkis, except for a personal email from the E, plus the Fir Stink for First Ink for First Offenders.

Still running — deadline Saturday, June 13, at 9 p.m. ET: It’s our contest for funny poems featuring comically obscure words from this year’s National Spelling Bee. Click on “read full story” below for details.

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Idea: ()
Examples: ()
Judging: ()
Title: (Jesse Frankovich; Kevin Dopart)
Subhead: (Jesse Frankovich)
Prize: ()
Add:H:1588: ()
VisibleInk!